It's hard not to be fat

It's easy to say now that I should have never let myself become obese but as they say, I ate that elephant one bite at a time.  It's not that I dislike being active, I love to play golf, walking preferably, and I love the pursuit of strength.  Long, slow, low-intensity cardio and high-intensity resistance exercise.  Just what every trendy paleo blog prescribes for body recomposition.

The part I struggle with is the "eating less" of the "eat less, move more" obesity cure over-simplification.  The "eating less" part is where all the hucksters make tons of money from desperate obese people like myself.  I have parted with less money than most in pursuit of a "cure" that doesn't exist but I've still wasted money over my lifetime on supplements of dubious or no benefit as well as books on hokey nutritional programs (metabolic typing for one).  At least I can say I've never fallen for scams involving "cleanses" or "de-toxification".

I love to eat.  I'm not a "super-taster", not sure if that would've made my problem worse or better.  I just love to eat, but not eating normal amounts, I love to eat until I'm full.  Over-full by a normal person's standard I'd guess.  I probably don't need to guess because non-obese people don't seem to eat as much as I do.  I've always eaten alot.  When I was a kid, I think I capitalized on the attention my appetite got by continuing to eat as much as I could whenever possible.  Being a very active kid, I never had a big problem with being fat since the pubertal growth spurt stretched me out some.  I did have some pre-adolescent years saddled with the damaging nickname of the "pillsbury doughboy".

Whatever the initial reason for my over-eating, the attention and comfort it brought me reinforced the behaviour until it became as much of a part of me as the colour of my hair.  I was always that guy that could eat alot.  I'm still that guy that can eat alot.  I'm also now that guy that can eat alot but can also get very fat very quickly from doing so.

Today, I gave in to one of my nemesis foods.  Krispy Kreme donuts.  I'm glad there are only two stand alone locations in the entire GTA because if there were more, there would be real trouble.  I had to drive by the part of town where I knew the Krispy Kreme store was.  I can NEVER drive by that store without stopping in for a donut or 5.  I ate the lunch I had packed prior to my trip hoping (in vain it turns out) that my appetite would be blunted and I'd be able to escape with minimal damage.  Wrong.  I ate five different donuts and loved every bite.  I stopped before I was full.  I considered this a bit of a win since I've been known to eat 10 of those things at a sitting.
Homer's got nothing on me

It's not just donuts though, I'll over-eat virtually any food and love every second.  I love red meat too.  I cooked a nice piece of prime rib and it took every bit of discipline to portion it out into four servings.  Even still, each serving is about 16 ounces of meat.
I wanted to eat the whole thing at one sitting

Before New Year's Day and probably in preparation for all of the resolutions due to be hatched, TLC was showing a marathon of episodes about people that weighed a half ton. One of the episodes involved a guy that had lost hundreds and hundreds of pounds, became a motivational speaker and then re-gained all the weight back and more.  He likened his challenge with over-eating to a heroin addict that had to have just one hit a day or a gambler that had to place just one bet a day.  I'm not willing to over-dramatize my challenges with over-eating to that level but I do have to think about what and how much I'm eating every day.

If I go off plan at all, it's a herculean task to try to moderate my urges.  Instead of one hamburger, I'll order three.  Instead of one cookie, I'll buy four.  I can't just stop at one slice of pizza, it's gonna be that entire pie. I'm fortunate at the moment that I have some great motivational goals and the support of friends, family and loved ones because without all of that, it would be all too easy to fall back into hardwired habits.

Even if I suddenly lost all ability to taste food, I would still be driven to over-eat in search of that feeling of fullness and contentment that only a full belly can bring.  I don't know if it was nature or nurture that first created that feeling in my infantile mind forty-five years ago but nothing since then has been able to exorcise it from my being.

All that to say, it's hard not to be fat but I'm not going to give up.

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